Beautiful Things Don't End Beautifully

Alright, so first of all, I'm cute. For having the guts to post again, therefore I'm cute.

Eh hyeeeeeee, okay this is awkward. 

So urm

Apparently, I just read the old posts again. Damn girl, who would even.

So it's Thursday ya haha I just had one of my worst blues moments last night. Gurlll how time flies. Ive never been this down. 

Yesterday, I had a deep talk with dad. Too deep that I shed tears. My babies, my lil siblings, I wonder if they are doing okay nowadays. Your sister is worried, and she loves you guys so much. Been wanting adiks for the whole damn life. Now that I have three, I feel sorry. Kakak is really sorry sayang. Things have not been really fair for you guys. I'm turning a blind eye, therefore I'm the bad one sayang......not our daddy. 

Shits really have their ups and downs for serious shit. No sembang here. Who would ever expect me to go this down. Down and down and down.

Making lines on my right hand is the other thing. Girl, u okay? I reached my 115th line today. Some cuts are really deep. But I feel numb to the pain already. Painless babe, I tell you. 

All these damn tears and silent screams.....kill me inside. Like who would even listen. All these people know is telling me to stop hurting myself. Gosh girls. Lord knows how much I love you guys. 

To quote some of my feelings yesterday,

I pray for you guys to stay away from feeling suicidal,

I pray for my lovely friends,

I pray for you guys to be happy all the time,

Never. Ever. Reach. The. Knife. Reach for helps ya loves.

rsmyrsln